You know how right before you go to sleep...you lay there and think about things. Whether it's just thoughts of the day you've had or all you have to do for the next day. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I began remembering the favelas (slums) we had seen in Brazil. All of a sudden, I felt as if I was there looking at them but I couldn't get away. I couldn't get back in the car to go back to my normal life. I was sorta paralyzed and it was very surreal. Anyway I felt myself began to tense up and panic. I just wanted out. I wanted to escape. I obviously woke myself up out of whatever state I was in. Feeling sort of ashamed of my feelings, I quickly pushed it aside and went back to sleep.

What do you think that was about? I am pretty sure it was a spiritual attack. I get these every so often. Everything will be going great and then all of a sudden I begin to realize what we, as a family, are about to undertake and I feel SCARED to death. Does God know that I'm having these feelings? ABSOLUTELY. Does He get angry at me for feeling like this? I sure hope not.

1 Samuel 15:22 talks about how our obedience is greater than our sacrifice. God does not NEED ME to do anything. Who am I, after all?!? I am not capable of doing anything on my own. He only wants us to be obedient to His voice when He tells us to do something. If I focus on my circumstances and all the THINGS that I have to give up in order to be obedient to Him then I'm likely to go nuts. I HAVE to focus on the command He has given our family!
What is God asking you to do? Is there something He has told you to do but you're holding back? Don't focus on what He is asking you to give up. Our obedience to God is greater than ANY sacrifice you or I could ever offer Him!


Anonymous said...

Hey Rebecca-
Yeah, that sounds so familiar. Funny how we, as humans, are so alike yet different. I spent so many months (more than I would like to admit) with those same kind of feelings...thinking of the sacrifice "Can I do it?" "Will I miss this stuff"? But like you said, the sacrifice is obedience not stuff or comfort! So it is encouraging to know that is "normal" and definitely a lie and attack from the enemy to persuade us to not follow through with the call of God. We will continue to pray for you guys as you are closer to the journey than we are. We continue to pray for the boys and the transition. Love ya-Angela

Robyn Lowe said...

Hi Rebecca,
My name is Robyn Lowe and you have probably already seen (or soon will) my name on your IMB Canidate Conference list. We are supposed to share a rental car with ya'll. My family is headed to Zambia. I grew up in KY. Where are you? I just googled your name and your blog came up so I thought that I would say "hi". Hope you have a great Thanksgiving. If you would like to write back my email address is