4.24.2011
4.23.2011
I was mad that I was mad
Okay.
Enough for now about supermarket prices, mud roads, lizards, or dead chickens laying in my sink.
I've been dealing with some real heart issues recently. I've tried to blame it on just about everything in my life that's been within pointing distance and even some things that were far away but the reality is, I've just been angry.
Our family was faced with a very serious situation that, thank the Lord, turned out okay. But nonetheless, left us all a bit shaken and skeptical on who to trust. At first, I was angry then I became sad and then back to angry again. Now that time is distancing us from the event, I've sort of become robotic with just about everything in my life.
I was still getting up in the morning, doing all the tasks that had to be done, but there was zero joy in my heart. Mike and the kids would ask if I wanted to do something or go somewhere and I really had no opinion whatsoever. I found myself diving deep into an unfamiliar depression. I was no longer spending time with God nor did I have a desire to do so.
I began turning to sin patterns that I hadn't struggled with in years. I became so surprised at how quickly my heart could go from a deep and loving relationship with God to such an empty and hollow feeling. How could things change so radically in just a few months? I began to hate just about everything occurring in my life.
I hated the way people stared at me and the kids and referred to us as the American family all the time. I hated how I had to wake up each morning to the demonstrators in the street yelling "who knows what" ABOUT "who knows what". If I'd had the courage and the right words in Portuguese, there's no telling what I could have yelled down at them. I hated the way our neighbors would never speak to us in the elevator. I hated the way our dog would scream like a dying child when we left him alone in the apartment, which most certainly was the reason the neighbors weren't smiling or speaking to us.
And to be completely frank...I'm STILL hating the fact that "like clockwork" the sun rises at 5:30 am and sets at 5:30 pm EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR. Do you know how quickly your day goes by when every drop of sunlight is gone by 5:30. SERIOUSLY!! Welcome to life at the equator, right?!?
Mike would come home from a great day of ministry and share with me how God had used Him AND ALL I COULD THINK OF was the amount of laundry I'd had to do while he was gone. I was miserable. Is this what I signed up for? Mike is out doing all these great and wonderful things for the Lord, and my biggest accomplishment was cleaning up the dog poo or getting Jayden to understand fractions. Man...surely I could do that back in the states...right?!? Probably even better. After all, I'd have a clothes dryer and a dish washer there. My hair wouldn't look like a poodle from the humidity and our clothes in the closets wouldn't smell like mildew, right?!?
I'd try so hard to suck it up but after having a couple of good days, I'd find myself right back in my little hole. Mike and the boys had a camp to go to this weekend starting on Thursday. They were to return on Easter Sunday. Part of me was really happy that I'd have four whole days to myself and another part dreading time alone where I'd most certainly come face to face with God. Imagine, as soon as the house was quiet and there was nothing to distract me,I turned around and there He was waiting. It's funny when we think God doesn't know we're mad at Him. He knows. Trust me. He knows.
I wasn't just sad and hurt and culture SHOCKED, I was REALLY mad. I was mad at Him for letting the situation happen that seemed to start all this downward spiral. I was mad that I was living in this city that we hadn't chosen. And ya know what? I WAS MAD THAT I WAS MAD!!
How great is that? Turns out HE knew and even though my sin became crystal clear in His presence, He wasn't mad at me. After I dealt with all the junk that had come between us I began to realize He hadn't gone anywhere. Once again He reminded me that He was waiting on me to turn around. I talked with Him about all the reasons I was hurt and mad and as usual, it all came back to the condition of my heart.
By Thursday night,
Michael brought home Jayden sick with an awful croup cough. The following morning he returned with Jackson. He ran a really high fever (103.5) the whole next day. JohnMark and Michael both came home Friday night feeling sick too SO UNFORTUNATELY MY QUIET WEEKEND DIDN'T TURN OUT TOO QUIET. But God was good to deal with me before I had to start being Super Mom again. I can pretty much guarantee that on Monday morning, life is gonna set back in and I'm going to have frustrations but Oh how I pray my heart is ready for what comes. Pray for me that I'll find the joy that comes from being filled with HIM. After all...NOTHING ELSE REALLY MATTERS!
Enough for now about supermarket prices, mud roads, lizards, or dead chickens laying in my sink.
I've been dealing with some real heart issues recently. I've tried to blame it on just about everything in my life that's been within pointing distance and even some things that were far away but the reality is, I've just been angry.
Our family was faced with a very serious situation that, thank the Lord, turned out okay. But nonetheless, left us all a bit shaken and skeptical on who to trust. At first, I was angry then I became sad and then back to angry again. Now that time is distancing us from the event, I've sort of become robotic with just about everything in my life.
I was still getting up in the morning, doing all the tasks that had to be done, but there was zero joy in my heart. Mike and the kids would ask if I wanted to do something or go somewhere and I really had no opinion whatsoever. I found myself diving deep into an unfamiliar depression. I was no longer spending time with God nor did I have a desire to do so.
I began turning to sin patterns that I hadn't struggled with in years. I became so surprised at how quickly my heart could go from a deep and loving relationship with God to such an empty and hollow feeling. How could things change so radically in just a few months? I began to hate just about everything occurring in my life.
I hated the way people stared at me and the kids and referred to us as the American family all the time. I hated how I had to wake up each morning to the demonstrators in the street yelling "who knows what" ABOUT "who knows what". If I'd had the courage and the right words in Portuguese, there's no telling what I could have yelled down at them. I hated the way our neighbors would never speak to us in the elevator. I hated the way our dog would scream like a dying child when we left him alone in the apartment, which most certainly was the reason the neighbors weren't smiling or speaking to us.
And to be completely frank...I'm STILL hating the fact that "like clockwork" the sun rises at 5:30 am and sets at 5:30 pm EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR. Do you know how quickly your day goes by when every drop of sunlight is gone by 5:30. SERIOUSLY!! Welcome to life at the equator, right?!?
Mike would come home from a great day of ministry and share with me how God had used Him AND ALL I COULD THINK OF was the amount of laundry I'd had to do while he was gone. I was miserable. Is this what I signed up for? Mike is out doing all these great and wonderful things for the Lord, and my biggest accomplishment was cleaning up the dog poo or getting Jayden to understand fractions. Man...surely I could do that back in the states...right?!? Probably even better. After all, I'd have a clothes dryer and a dish washer there. My hair wouldn't look like a poodle from the humidity and our clothes in the closets wouldn't smell like mildew, right?!?
I'd try so hard to suck it up but after having a couple of good days, I'd find myself right back in my little hole. Mike and the boys had a camp to go to this weekend starting on Thursday. They were to return on Easter Sunday. Part of me was really happy that I'd have four whole days to myself and another part dreading time alone where I'd most certainly come face to face with God. Imagine, as soon as the house was quiet and there was nothing to distract me,I turned around and there He was waiting. It's funny when we think God doesn't know we're mad at Him. He knows. Trust me. He knows.
I wasn't just sad and hurt and culture SHOCKED, I was REALLY mad. I was mad at Him for letting the situation happen that seemed to start all this downward spiral. I was mad that I was living in this city that we hadn't chosen. And ya know what? I WAS MAD THAT I WAS MAD!!
How great is that? Turns out HE knew and even though my sin became crystal clear in His presence, He wasn't mad at me. After I dealt with all the junk that had come between us I began to realize He hadn't gone anywhere. Once again He reminded me that He was waiting on me to turn around. I talked with Him about all the reasons I was hurt and mad and as usual, it all came back to the condition of my heart.
By Thursday night,
Michael brought home Jayden sick with an awful croup cough. The following morning he returned with Jackson. He ran a really high fever (103.5) the whole next day. JohnMark and Michael both came home Friday night feeling sick too SO UNFORTUNATELY MY QUIET WEEKEND DIDN'T TURN OUT TOO QUIET. But God was good to deal with me before I had to start being Super Mom again. I can pretty much guarantee that on Monday morning, life is gonna set back in and I'm going to have frustrations but Oh how I pray my heart is ready for what comes. Pray for me that I'll find the joy that comes from being filled with HIM. After all...NOTHING ELSE REALLY MATTERS!
4.22.2011
4.07.2011
Update from Mike
Tuesday I went to find one of the nearby villages where I will be working. It was located about 40km away near the city of Aquiraz. On the way, I stopped and asked directions from many locals on the side of the road (Brazilian GPS). Normally this works, but I was not able to find the area I was looking for! I decided to continue to drive around and explore the region.
Here comes the God part of the story. After driving through the unpaved streets, I turned down toward the beach. There were little restaurants scattered everywhere. Some men darted in front of my car and waved me over as an invite to their place. This is normal so I thought I’d keep driving and ignore them but a small voice in my heart told me to stop. As I rolled down my window the men approached my truck (about 4-5 of them). I asked them for directions to the place I was looking for. As they began to explain they reached into my truck over me and grab my road maps. This caught me a little off-guard but as they tried to show me where it was, they called over another man. He was the leader of the group and quickly took over the conversation. He said he was friends with the president of the quilombo association. After telling them who I was and why I was there, they all began to share with me their beliefs as well. One of them began to explain that if I would return tomorrow at 10:30, they would go with me to the quilombo. He said that he’d call the president of this particular group that night and then he’d call me in the morning to confirm. He invited me in for a drink and some Brazilian conversation. What an experience for just taking a stab in the dark!
He called the following morning and we drove about thirty minutes to the quilombo. As he introduced me to the new president, she invited me to return to work there any time I wanted. She assured me that I’d be free to share the message of Christ in their school without any problems. She also let me know that she would be scheduling a meeting with the residents of the village to introduce me. Then I would be more welcomed and people would not fear me, as is common.
Jesus said that we should walk by faith and not by sight. I didn’t see this coming but God knew it would happen before I left the house. I learned a long time ago that if you want to do great things with God you have to get out of the boat or as was in my case, stop the car.
3.28.2011
Sopa de Cebola Francesa
Last week I had Community Transformation Training (CTC) in Lima, Peru. That sounds really fancy but it simply means learning how to go into unreached people groups with a purpose that will help their community. We were reminded how "to ensure that human need concerns are a vital part of (our) evangelism strategy and are woven into the DNA of our new church plants." (That was from the manual) ha
We want to train the nationals in a way that empowers them all while sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Our time meeting together in training was great as well as our time in the evenings as we all got to know other m's serving in Central and South America.
AND...
we had the opportunity to partake of all the luxuries of Lima, Peru. SUCH AS...Chili's, TGI Friday's, Starbucks, and a grocery store packed full of American items. My baggage was loaded down for the return trip. I was able to bring the boys home Captain Crunch, Fruity Pebbles, Fruit Roll-Ups, Maple Syrup, York Peppermint Patties, and Oreo's just to name a few of the items. Hopefully that made up for me being the only one to get French Onion Soup from Fridays.
Last Saturday, Mike also had the privilege to make his first trip out to our people group. He came back excited and encouraged. This picture is of the oldest couple in the village. They were so kind to him and he looks forward to going back soon to visit with them.
Our family has had some trials the last few days but God is so good and faithful. He is walking through all of it with us. We appreciate all your continued prayer support and love. For those of you waiting on email replies, be patient with us. We have so much to catch up on around here.
We want to train the nationals in a way that empowers them all while sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Our time meeting together in training was great as well as our time in the evenings as we all got to know other m's serving in Central and South America.
AND...we had the opportunity to partake of all the luxuries of Lima, Peru. SUCH AS...Chili's, TGI Friday's, Starbucks, and a grocery store packed full of American items. My baggage was loaded down for the return trip. I was able to bring the boys home Captain Crunch, Fruity Pebbles, Fruit Roll-Ups, Maple Syrup, York Peppermint Patties, and Oreo's just to name a few of the items. Hopefully that made up for me being the only one to get French Onion Soup from Fridays.
Last Saturday, Mike also had the privilege to make his first trip out to our people group. He came back excited and encouraged. This picture is of the oldest couple in the village. They were so kind to him and he looks forward to going back soon to visit with them.
Our family has had some trials the last few days but God is so good and faithful. He is walking through all of it with us. We appreciate all your continued prayer support and love. For those of you waiting on email replies, be patient with us. We have so much to catch up on around here.
3.13.2011
6 reasons we don't buy imported items
At the time I'm writing this post the
1 US dollar=1.66 Reais.
1 US dollar=1.66 Reais.
So, at first when I found a can of Campbell's soup on the shelf I almost fell over because I just knew it would be impossible to find it down here. I grabbed three cans without even looking at the price and then the sticker under the can grabbed my attention. Needless to say, I reversed my motion and replaced all 3 cans back onto the shelf. No worries cause I've learned how to easily make this can of stuff with fresh ingredients and it even tastes better...kinda. :)
This next picture doesn't actually tell the absurdness well. This bag of chips is the size of one stuck in a child's lunch box. The sack contains, at most, 12 chips. I'll let you figure up how much that is per chip. Unfortunately, this is it for corn chips in Northeast Brazil.
Santa brought Pringles to our kiddos this past Christmas and it was a huge treat. I found these babies on sale the other day but still had trouble justifying the purchase since it's not a holiday or anything. Easter will be here soon I suppose.
This supermarket here in Fortaleza was the first one where we were able to find marshmallows.
We opted to wait on these as well!
Santa brought Pringles to our kiddos this past Christmas and it was a huge treat. I found these babies on sale the other day but still had trouble justifying the purchase since it's not a holiday or anything. Easter will be here soon I suppose.
This supermarket here in Fortaleza was the first one where we were able to find marshmallows. We opted to wait on these as well!
These, too, are almost impossible to find. This price below belongs to the box of 8!
I know, RIGHT!!!?!
I've been gone awhile but I don't remember Johnson's keeping their merchandise behind lock and key. 18.50 for baby oil is another reason to celebrate kids out of diapers.
3.12.2011
returning to routine
We are beginning to feel more at home here. Carnival is over and the city is getting back to normal. ALSO, our ceiling fans have been installed and we are all sleeping like babies! HALLELUJAH!!
Many of you have asked to see pictures of our new apartment
so here are a few. It's really quite charming.
My favorite part is our balcony. We live on the 3rd floor surrounded by other buildings so unfortunately there's not a lot of privacy. Otherwise it would be really serene.
Our living room
Many of you have asked to see pictures of our new apartment
so here are a few. It's really quite charming.
My favorite part is our balcony. We live on the 3rd floor surrounded by other buildings so unfortunately there's not a lot of privacy. Otherwise it would be really serene.
Our living room
This is the only part of the boy's room that I was able to take a photo of
because they are still working on finding the floor. HA For the first time ever, they are all 3 sharing a room. In order for them to have more space, Mike and I gave them the larger of the 2 bedrooms. I'll show you how I fit a queen and two twins into this room as soon as I'm not embarrassed to take a picture.
My kitchen which I am taking back from the ants.
because they are still working on finding the floor. HA For the first time ever, they are all 3 sharing a room. In order for them to have more space, Mike and I gave them the larger of the 2 bedrooms. I'll show you how I fit a queen and two twins into this room as soon as I'm not embarrassed to take a picture.
My kitchen which I am taking back from the ants.
My beautiful laundry room. We finally have my washing machine up and going and I'm so HAPPY!! I'm pretty sure we'll never see this area without clothes.
It takes a really long time to dry stuff here because of the humidity.
It takes a really long time to dry stuff here because of the humidity.
This is the room off of the living room where we do school every day.
So you could also call this my mental ward!
So you could also call this my mental ward!
The view from our balcony and if you look way down in between the
last 2 buildings you can faintly see the ocean.
last 2 buildings you can faintly see the ocean.
If I zoom in with my camera it comes a little clearer andyou can make out the waves. COOL, huh?!?
More photos to come of life outside the apartment soon!
3.02.2011
what's for dinner
A few weeks ago we brought home a whole chicken to put in the crock pot.
We got our money's worth!
Wow...WHAT A WEEK!
We arrived here in Fortaleza exactly a week ago. Everything has been such a blur that I literally just had to go back to a calendar and figure out which day we got here.
We were greeted at the airport by two sweet smiling faces. Robert and Phyllis have lived here in this city about 25 years. They will be working with us this next year during our time here. They have much experience and hearts of gold so we look forward to hanging out with them and gleaning from their wisdom.
As we walked out of the airport, the heat and humidity hit us like a wall. We stayed at a hotel on the beach the first 3 nights which was a really big blessing. It was right on the ocean, had a pool, buffet breakfast and AIR CONDITIONING in the room!!! Unfortunately we were so swamped with everything, I was only able to take the boys down to the beach for a few hours on Thursday. When life settles down, we'll have to find a quiet spot on the beach to relax. We moved everything into our new apartment on Saturday. Even our crate we packed back in the spring of 2009 made it. Saturday felt like Christmas as we opened boxes we hadn't seen in so long.
Mike has been working his tail off trying to get so much accomplished and I know when he finally stops, HE'S gonna crash hard. Running on very little sleep, he and JohnMark flew a couple of hours away to Sao Luis Monday night. Our truck is there and they are driving it back here for us to use. It's a big 4x4 truck that we'll need to get out to our people group. The roads here in the northeast aren't quite the caliber of Sao Paulo roads so the 665 mile trip will be an adventure. The roads they are using to get back are quite primitive. They had made it about half way as of last night and were staying with a couple that lives there in Parnaiba. I talked with them last night and other than being sleep deprived it appears they have many stories to tell. As a matter of fact, while I'm typing this, they should be fishing for piranhas with some folks.
Jackson, Jayden and I have decided we are ready for them to get back. We are wanting to see a bit more of the city than walking allows. We have covered several blocks surrounding our house but it's a big city with LOTS of people and dangerous intersections. Just to get to the supermarket, we have to cross one of the busiest roads by going half-way and then stopping on a 2 foot piece of concrete as we wait for the other lanes coming from the opposite direction to clear. Picture me and an 8 year-old and a 10 year-old balancing on this strip and me trying to make sure they don't fall back into traffic speeding by a few inches from our backsides all the while trying to keep them from stepping out too hastily into the other side of traffic. It's a bit like the old video game FROGGER! Pray this country girl doesn't get herself or her kids squashed.
We are also encountering some less than friendly people out there amongst the sidewalks. Yesterday, one in particular, decided to get right up into Jackson's face and scare him to death. Not sure if he was drugged out or suffering from some demonic issues. Either way, I reminded Jackson for the umpteenth time that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control. We're definitely standing on that scripture right now.
Back here in the house lies many adventures as well. My ever growing pile of laundry that has accumulated through the move and all is still sitting pretty in the floor waiting on my washing machine to begin to function correctly. I don't know what happened to it during the move but I hate getting behind on it all...especially without a dryer. Washing it by hand would be like my most dreaded scenario but it might it come to that.
The shower in my bathroom had heat yesterday for about 6 minutes before it went out so that's another thing for Mike's to-do list when he gets back. Ice cold showers are actually kind of refreshing right now. We don't have ceiling fans yet but the one small portable one we do have is getting a work out. We carry it with us from room to room in order to move the air around. I think either we're getting more accustomed to the climate or the fan is helping because we've stopped soaking all our shirts with sweat over the last 24 hours.
Despite the bugs that are biting us or the ones that have made their way into our digestive tracks, we're surviving. Yesterday, as you can tell from this sorta negative post, was hard. But the sun is up (which is seems to do much earlier now) and I'm about to go have some coffee. God is still God and He has a purpose for us in being here. We will choose to walk in that and I will do my best to make the next post on here one that is more positive. Until then, I'll just be transparent with you and tell you life's a bit harder here. But, as we know, that's when we grow. So here we go as a family of five again, stretching and growing and learning what it means to walk with our Savior.
Keep us covered in prayer and we'll keep ya informed on what's going on. I'll try and get some pictures posted on here soon!
We were greeted at the airport by two sweet smiling faces. Robert and Phyllis have lived here in this city about 25 years. They will be working with us this next year during our time here. They have much experience and hearts of gold so we look forward to hanging out with them and gleaning from their wisdom.
As we walked out of the airport, the heat and humidity hit us like a wall. We stayed at a hotel on the beach the first 3 nights which was a really big blessing. It was right on the ocean, had a pool, buffet breakfast and AIR CONDITIONING in the room!!! Unfortunately we were so swamped with everything, I was only able to take the boys down to the beach for a few hours on Thursday. When life settles down, we'll have to find a quiet spot on the beach to relax. We moved everything into our new apartment on Saturday. Even our crate we packed back in the spring of 2009 made it. Saturday felt like Christmas as we opened boxes we hadn't seen in so long.
Mike has been working his tail off trying to get so much accomplished and I know when he finally stops, HE'S gonna crash hard. Running on very little sleep, he and JohnMark flew a couple of hours away to Sao Luis Monday night. Our truck is there and they are driving it back here for us to use. It's a big 4x4 truck that we'll need to get out to our people group. The roads here in the northeast aren't quite the caliber of Sao Paulo roads so the 665 mile trip will be an adventure. The roads they are using to get back are quite primitive. They had made it about half way as of last night and were staying with a couple that lives there in Parnaiba. I talked with them last night and other than being sleep deprived it appears they have many stories to tell. As a matter of fact, while I'm typing this, they should be fishing for piranhas with some folks.
Jackson, Jayden and I have decided we are ready for them to get back. We are wanting to see a bit more of the city than walking allows. We have covered several blocks surrounding our house but it's a big city with LOTS of people and dangerous intersections. Just to get to the supermarket, we have to cross one of the busiest roads by going half-way and then stopping on a 2 foot piece of concrete as we wait for the other lanes coming from the opposite direction to clear. Picture me and an 8 year-old and a 10 year-old balancing on this strip and me trying to make sure they don't fall back into traffic speeding by a few inches from our backsides all the while trying to keep them from stepping out too hastily into the other side of traffic. It's a bit like the old video game FROGGER! Pray this country girl doesn't get herself or her kids squashed.
We are also encountering some less than friendly people out there amongst the sidewalks. Yesterday, one in particular, decided to get right up into Jackson's face and scare him to death. Not sure if he was drugged out or suffering from some demonic issues. Either way, I reminded Jackson for the umpteenth time that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control. We're definitely standing on that scripture right now.
Back here in the house lies many adventures as well. My ever growing pile of laundry that has accumulated through the move and all is still sitting pretty in the floor waiting on my washing machine to begin to function correctly. I don't know what happened to it during the move but I hate getting behind on it all...especially without a dryer. Washing it by hand would be like my most dreaded scenario but it might it come to that.
The shower in my bathroom had heat yesterday for about 6 minutes before it went out so that's another thing for Mike's to-do list when he gets back. Ice cold showers are actually kind of refreshing right now. We don't have ceiling fans yet but the one small portable one we do have is getting a work out. We carry it with us from room to room in order to move the air around. I think either we're getting more accustomed to the climate or the fan is helping because we've stopped soaking all our shirts with sweat over the last 24 hours.
Despite the bugs that are biting us or the ones that have made their way into our digestive tracks, we're surviving. Yesterday, as you can tell from this sorta negative post, was hard. But the sun is up (which is seems to do much earlier now) and I'm about to go have some coffee. God is still God and He has a purpose for us in being here. We will choose to walk in that and I will do my best to make the next post on here one that is more positive. Until then, I'll just be transparent with you and tell you life's a bit harder here. But, as we know, that's when we grow. So here we go as a family of five again, stretching and growing and learning what it means to walk with our Savior.
Keep us covered in prayer and we'll keep ya informed on what's going on. I'll try and get some pictures posted on here soon!
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