Can't Sleep

and since I realized I haven't posted on here in FOREVER, I thought I would let you all know what's happening in our lives right now. It's 2:30 in the morning as I type so try and forgive all the typos!

We received word about 3 weeks ago that we would need to change our plans a bit. So instead of moving to the state of Maranhao, we'll be living in Fortaleza for this next year, possibly moving to SL after the year is up. We will still be working with the same people group, just in a different state. We're currently packing and getting everything in order so that we can arrive there in the next week or so.

We're leaving here confident that we are walking in His plan for us but the news hit us pretty hard at first. We had been praying and researching a totally different region. We tried to understand how God was working in this decision which felt completely wrong to us. We struggled and cried and prayed for God to fix it but God's answer has clearly been "trust Me." This answer is never an easy one especially when you think you've trusted enough or sacrificed enough. Clearly, I'll never have trusted or sacrificed enough. I can't repay what has been done for me and I certainly can't come to a place in my life where I believe I have "arrived"!

But here we are again, knowing absolutely nothing about our next steps or what our life will look like, and we're okay. This "not knowing" is a very familiar place and I'm going to try real hard not to push my way out of it. We sometimes think knowing everything and being in control of everything is the best way to live but let me just tell you that if you want to be close to God, choose the opposite. Ask God to send you stuff in life, no matter how difficult it is, that will keep you on your knees in prayer. When life is easy and things are going great, how often do we really listen to God and want to know his heart? Sure, we give him our laundry list of to-fix or to-heal but do we really sit and wait on Him to answer us.

Man, I've needed God this month. I've needed to know that it's okay that things don't go as planned. The Christian life is not defined by a "pouring out" of blessings on my life or even HOW I FEEL. It is defined by pain, suffering, and trials. Before any of you get upset by that, look at the life of Christ. What did He experience on this earth? Do I really want to believe that God has a prettier picture for me in my life than He had for His own Son? After all, that's the popular message today for the church. It just doesn't line up with scripture. Do I really want to live out the great commission in my life or am I just playing games?

So, just as I prayed over a month ago, I'll continue to pray, "God send what you need into my life to make me more like you."
Pray it with me if you will but understand trials will come. Are we really willing to go anywhere and do anything? Are we really able to say that this world has nothing to offer us in comparison with our eternity? I used to say a whole lot (you can probably even find it on old blogposts) that being in God's will is the safest place you can be. Truth is...being in God's will is going to take you OUT of safe places and put you IN harm's way and that's okay if you're really ready to let HIM be glorified through your life.

Keep praying for me and for my family. Pray that God will use us for His glory anywhere He so desires. Pray that our hearts are like clay in His hands and that we never jump ahead of Him again.


Kenny Barfield said...

Great post. I think in "this" life we live that most of the time we are here so the Father can get us where He wants us and teach us more about Him than we here to teach the people around us. He doesn't need us here. He is perfectly capable of taking care of the nations without us. Yet here we are being humbled and beaten down and learning to depend on Him more than ever, so that we can teach that not only to nationals, but to those back home who believe the Chr!stian life is a bed of roses! Thank you for sharing….it was a blessing! - Alicia

Anonymous said...

thanks for your transparency. What an encouragement to see God at work in ways only He can orchestrate. Love you girl...Angela

Erin Arnold said...

Oh man Rebecca! I am just totally awestruck by your and Mike's reliance on God... That's awesome! Much uncertainty lies ahead for me too, and you have just encouraged me to keep trusting and keep praying. I love you all so much and think about you often!